6 year old and piano lessons. Advice?

The worst thing to do to get a 6-year old boy to take piano lessons is to force him, or to make it seem 'like he hasta do it'.

I'm an amateur musician (not piano, but drums/sax). I do it for fun. My wife isn't a musician but she appreciates music. She took organ a couple years when she was a child, but got away from it since.

Our 6-year old boy also seems to 'like' music (but also likes bashing his toy cars together as well, like any well-adjusted 6-year old boy).

So we figured let's see how he does with some piano lessons, on the common assumption that if he gets at least some exposure to a musical instrument it might likely benefit him later in life (either by continuing to play, or at least have an even greater appreciation for music). And of course, add in all the usual benefits of having a musical background of some sort - discipline, logic, math, manual dexterity, you know all that stuff typical yuppie parents (like us) think our kid might benefit from.

However after a few lessons we see a marked resistance from him, to going over the lesson and practicing. Usually 5-10 minutes is all he will take and just stop dead, digging in his heels. We are trying hard not to 'ram it' into him, but rather, coach him along. So far I think we've kept it low key hoping he'll grasp it on his own, rather than us pouring it over his head. What we get are 'it's too hard', 'this is boring', 'why do I have to take piano lessons', 'Oooohhhhh', and of course 'I wish I wasn't born !!'. You know, the usual protestations of a child who although going to lessons, is not taking it on whole-heartedly (which actually, is OK - we have to know either way). He's a bright kid and seems to actually understand what he's being taught (picked up the note names in about 10 minutes). His piano teacher is very good (teaches at the Cleveland Institite of Music), gives 1/2 hr. private lesson once a week at her home. I've watched and he does well with her. She's Russian and has a good way with him. I think he likes her as a teacher, so that's not a problem.

As to the resistance at home to going over the lesson and practicing, if it keeps up we would rather stop the lessons before we actually do any damage. The thinking being, I'd rather have him NOT learn piano and be happy, rather than him feeling like he's obligated to take piano and then drop it a few years (or months or weeks) absolutely hating it (and hating us along the way). My parents never forced me to do anything I did not want to do, but supported what I was interested in (which is saying something cuz my interest was sax/drums when I was a kid, and my dad was a high school football captain and can't carry a tune in a bag - but supported me wholeheartedly). He was beaming when I made the Ohio State Marching Band when I was in college. Best of both worlds for a dad like him I guess.

Anyway if our son really starts to hate piano, we will stop the lessons (cut our losses, and not cause damage), and I will lobby to take his place at the weekly lesson (I could use some piano lessons myself).

This I am sure is not uncommon, thus I welcome any pedagogical piano advice.

Thanks,

I know some will disagree, but 6 is really too young for most kids to be taking lessons. I started then, quit, and got back in at 9 at which point I was far more ready.

I started when I was six as well. I always loved 'playing' the piano but hated every second of practicing (I still do!). When I was his age all I would practice for was about 10 minutes a day and I remember it seemed an eternity. Yet somehow, I managed to progress on that for a few years. I say wait a little longer until he can actually play some tunes. He obviously likes his teacher, and once in the lesson seems to concentrate (is this right?). So the problem is the practicing at home and the pre-lesson preparation. If he likes playing but just doesn't like practicing I say wait and see. My mother kept tricking me to stay in piano lessons for years ('I've paid your teacher until next month so you can't quit yet' until I realized how much it meant to me. But if there are screaming tantrums and crying every time, let it go!

elena http://www.concertpianist.com

Perhaps you might consider two 1/2hours a week?

IMO you should not worry about starting your child at his age unless you have visions of him becoming a professional concert pianist. Otherwise wait until he evinces an interest in the piano or whatever and, at that time, get him an instrument and lessons. TS

I have a son, about five weeks shy of his 6th birthday, and he's in his fifth semester of a piano class. There is a local teacher that developed a method for teaching kids starting at age 3-1/2. I think it's a wonderful method and I especially like how she teaches non-piano topics like solfege, rhythm recitation and ear-training (all geared towards little kids). My youngest son, recently turned 4, just started in the first semester of this same piano method. He's been watching his older brother for two years and he's shown signs he's ready to learn the same things.

However, I've seen exactly the same things you've seen. 'It's too hard' and 'I'm bored' are constant complaints. Our goals for practice, I think, have been modest: at first it was 5 uninterrupted minutes. We're up to a goal of 15 uninterrupted minutes. That's just a goal: there are days when we're not in the right frame of mind, and other days when we can get 20 to 30 minutes of good quality practicing. More than anything, I'm hoping to instill a sense of daily time set aside strictly for practicing. Discipline, in other words, but at a modest level for 6 year olds.

His complaints, I think, come from the idea that he is bored with the class. It moves too slow for him. We're going to switch to private lessons at some point, but I'm not sure exactly when.

We tend to mix up practicing quite a bit. Some days we might concentrate on a particular finger exercise (do-re-mi-fa-so-so-so) to approach it with some sense of quality. Other times, we might just concentrate on the right hand of a simple piece, or playing the full piece with hands together. With encouragement from his teacher, we are also spending daily time with note- identification flashcards. I'd like to do the same with some rhythm-ID flashcards (but that's separate from the class method).

This semester's class just started this last Saturday, and we had some minor complaints from my son. We work against the negative attitude by asking if he really does want to play music, like his Dad (he does), and by reaffirming, in various ways, how well he is doing (he's doing great, and we can tell that his daily practicing is helping...some kids in his class don't practice daily

I started piano lessons when I was six. No one asked me if I wanted to. I told my parents I wanted to take piano lessons so I could learn how to play 'Maple Leaf Rag'. As much as I wanted to learn the piano, and certain styles of saloon music, I hated the lessons and would rarely practice - at least not what I was supposed to be practicing. Pretty soon I learned Maple Leaf Rag, and eventually just about every other Joplin rag.

So, hating the piano lessons themselves doesn't necessarily indicate that the experiment is a bust. Of course, it is a good clue. I would try to give him something more fun to play, just so he knows there's a positive side to this. Maybe teach him the theme song to his favorite TV show or something like that. If he can do something that impresses his friends, he may think it's worth his time after all.

you wrote lots of other stuff and. . .

Consider these compromises:

1 - Go to his lessons with him but you take the lesson. Let him correct you when you practice wrong. 2 - Take him with you to your lessons. 3 - See if your teacher will teach you both a little something at an appropriate level each lesson. 4 - Tell him his allowance is based on how well he can 'comp while you play the sax. Whether or not your teacher will teach chords for 'Old MacDonald', 'Three Blind Mice' and other kids songs is a good question of course.

Ed Vogel

My name is Al. You may address me that way, please.

Then you've missed the point. He wishes he wasn't born rather than practice. That's pretty extreme. He needs to like it all. Forcing a child to practice the piano against his will borders on child abuse, IMO. Not physical abuse, but abuse nonetheless. You were fortunate in that you did not have to exert such force to get your child to practice. Your experience is certainly not universal. It might not even be typical.

I'm not kidding. I don't know you. I don't even know your name. Why would I kid you? Your post suggests that you do that bear dance thing every time the child practices. How many such sessions does it take to drill your 'lesson' into him?

Which is a nice thing. But that's not all there is to it. If a child can't practice without constant positive reinforcement ad infinitum that practice is fun and an acceptable thing to do, the child will never be a pianist of his own will.

Frivolous music is playful. Serious music is a bit more work.

scales?

You don't have to do scales?

Your son is 13 now. Tell you what. Keep doing that bear dance with him over the next three years. Do it while some of his buddies drop by. Let him show off how cool his dad is to his teenage pals as he plays Fur Elise and you cavort about the living room frolicing amidst the imaginary flora and fauna, nuts and berries. That'll sure keep him interested in the piano and all that neat stuff.

Music is to be enjoyed. Who cares how they enjoy themselves? The father is obviously not expecting the kid to become a world-famous pianist, only to get his little synapses working in that part of the brain and maybe even get something else out of it (father-son experience?, better language skills?). God, people here are so damn serious about everything. It's like concert-pianist or die.

In response to those who say the child will be scarred for life is he is urged to continue, my mother wouldn't let me go play with my friends or watch TV (only on weekends) until I had practiced my 45 miutes, with a timer, every day. I hated practicing with all my heart and we would have huge arguments because I wanted to quit. I liked my teacher and I liked performing in the recitals but the thought of practicing every singe day forever made me want to die. And here I am, obviously it did me no harm (though perhaps I'd be earning more money doing something else!). Every child is different, but I find a lot of parents today tend to want to please their child rather than have them learn things that will be useful to them in the future. As another poster said, children do not want to do anything that requires work, even though they may enjoy the benefits of that work. And parents seem too keen to trade in the long-term benefits of being somewhat strict for the short term benefits of giving in. A six year old does not know what is best for him, it's up to his parents to decide. Don't assume that a child will want to practice because he likes playing the piano. I would say 90% of all students like playing and hate practicing. There are also other issues, does he have the right teacher? is he playing the appropriate instrument? I know several people that have noticed their musically inclined children not doing well and a change of teacher or of instrument was the key to success (but they still had to struggle to get them to practice).

Obviously there are exceptions. A child with absolutely no ear or talent whatsover for music should definitely take up something else. But too many kids with obvious talent have it go to waste because their parents weren't willing to make the effort of putting up with the typical negative attitude. That is my two-cents' worth. When actually I have children of my own I will probably be the first one to give in to their tantrums!

Elena http://www.concertpianist.com

You, too, can call me Al when others are around.

More anecdotal evidence. Not necessarily universally applicable.

Or did, how do we know?

And be better qualified to comment on parenting.

WOW that's some terrific advice from you guys.

Thanks all to who posted back with their experiences and ideas.

Not sure which way we'll go with it. No tantrums yet, however, we sense a willingness to 'go do something else' (play with toys, shoot hoops, take a nap, etc.).

We also have a 3-year old daughter, maybe she'll give it a try in a few years.

Mike