OT: The entries are ready for your vote!!

The contest has ended, and boy do we have a good crop of entries! All in the spirit of good fun, let's look them over, and pick the one we like the best. These are all common phrases found in the American culture, and have all been contributed purely for the humor of it. It has nothing to do with pianos.

Please cast your vote by using the number to the left of the entry. Votes must be cast by midnight EST on Thursday , January 25 to be valid. For those of you living in Southern Florida, please: type slowly and accurately. Check your work before you hit send. For as they say....'We don' need no stinkin' chads'.....

For those of you on the left, there will be no recounts. For those of you on the right, there will be no higher court than the public record. For those of you in the middle.......make up your mind! (just kidding)

I have removed the names of the contributors so that the votes won't be influenced by anything other than the actual phrase. The contributor of the phrase will be identified once the winners have been chosen. There will be three awards: 1st, 2nd, and 3rd place. All others will receive honorable mention. The first place winner gets his choice of a 2001 Lincoln Navigator* or an all expense paid trip complete with first class air fare* to Ducktown, Tennessee to watch the copper smelting and take in some fresh air. The second place winner gets a fully restored 4'6' Kimball La petite baby grand* complete with the required 30* tunings during the first month. The third place winner gets a Mr. Coffee*.

(*all awards must be claimed and a response received by the winner from the provider of these awards between the seconds of 12:00:01 and 12:00:02 midnight on January 12, 2001 to be valid.)

And now, the entries:

1: two bricks shy of a load 2: the lights aren't all on 3: he's missing his taw marble 4: a few sandwiches short of a picnic 5: a few clowns short of a circus 6: the doors open and close, but the evelvator doesn't move 7: the light is on but everyone is out shopping 8: was first in line for brains and held the door for everyone else 9: all cob - no corn 10: not the sharpest tool in the shed 11: not the brightest light at the disco 12: sharp as a globe 13: GUMP! 14: his cheese has slid off the cracker 15: three peas short of a casserole 16: as articulate as a frozen lug nut 17: not the sharpest Crayola in the box 18: a taco short of a combination plate 19: the porch light's on but nobody's home 20: he's chewed off three legs, but he's still in the trap 21: deprives a village somewhere of its idiot 22: 2 strings short of a 3-string unison 23: 10 pins short of a strike 24: unsportsman like conduct

Should we cast our vote using wet sand or V-pro? My ringing endorsement goes to #33:

Your endorsement will ring the loudest in Vpro format. Thank you for vote.

Larry Fletcher Pianos Inc Atlanta GA Dealer/technician

Doing the work of three men.....Larry, Curly, & Moe Http://www.pianosinc.net

Just to remind everyone that this is a contest to insult a handicapped person, the following is copied and pasted from the original thread.

******************** All right!! Another good one! Come one everybody! Jump in with your contribution. We've got some good ones, but there's got to be more!

We are having a contest to see who can give the best descriptive phrase of Davey/Song4's mental midgetry. Send in your contribution today! ********************

I suggest that you, yes YOU, refrain from kicking a cripple.

Do you have the slightest shred of evidence that david is in any way crippled or handicapped? I strongly doubt that he is either, based on cursory readings of a few of his postings.

He can manage spelling, he can manage a very complicated and arcane, if incomprehensible, system of punctuation. He can manage attachments. He types quite quickly, based on the quantity of stuff he can generate in a day.

David is simply terminally immature, and possibly a little sociopathic. Since the majority (more than half) of the people in the world are not handicapped, and certainly the majority of people with the ability to spell fairly accurately and type rapidly are not handicapped, simple statistics dictates that David is not handicapped.

The nature of his postings indicates pretty clearly his immaturity and sociopathy. It is therefore natural to deduce that he's just another one of the thousands or millions of average joes who have hit upon this scheme of being rude and loopy on Usenet to get attention. They are called trolls, on Usenet, and are very common. Yawn.

Oh, I see. Larry is doing something, therefore Yogi must cry foul. You're not as obvious as David, but you're a little sociopathic yourself, Yogi.

It was Mason who first pointed out that people in this group are kicking a cripple, with Richard and me agreeing that this was happening. It did not stop the kicking, so I became more explicit, and Marsha explicitly distanced herself from it. I hope that others will distance themselves too, either explicitly or tacitly.

But basically each one of us has to set his/her own ethical standards to live up to. If it fits your own ethical standard, vote for the best insult. If it does not fit your own ethical standard, do not vote. In spite of all the things you say, I see that you did not vote, I am glad that you did not.

Since you cannot vote for your own entry (see: contest rules, page 56),

I vote for no. 28 ,

(if you put his brain in a bird it would fly backwards) for its visually effective style, although, for variation, the bird may also fly upside-down. Anyway, the guy's not firing on all thrusters (Dr McCoy said that, but what movie was that?)

I think you have been putting a little wishful thinking in the way you construe other people's words, Yogi. I didn't see the meaning in their posts that way at all.

In another post you accused me of putting up a hate webpage about you. I'd like for you right now to prove that claim. It never happened. There was never a webpage done about you, no hate-anything done regarding you, and you know it.

You can't sit silent for months and watch one person on a near daily basis poke another person in the eye multiple times each day, and then when the person getting poked finally gets enough of it and decides to do something, turn around and accuse that person of being an instigator.

It is you who are instigating something, Yogi. I could have chosen to simply attack the guy, call him every name in the book, all that sort of stuff, but I didn't. The opportunity appeared quite by coincidence to add a little humor to it all, and I took it. And everyone liked it, and jumped in to add their own humor. Sitting there in smug judgement on us like you were God is a little bit much.

Everyone who posted a phrase did so purely for the humor of it. We are going to vote on which one we think is the funniest. And if you don't like it, shut up. You're ruining the fun. It is harmless fun. Go soak your head or something - or do what you tried to tell Davey to do, and go find a woman or something to change your attitude. And with that, I will ignore your silly blather. We have a contest to run.

Larry Fletcher Pianos Inc Atlanta GA Dealer/technician

Doing the work of three men.....Larry, Curly, & Moe Http://www.pianosinc.net

I'll vote! And I'll enjoy doing it, too. Nothing makes me want to do something more than having someone tell me not to do it.

31: about as smart as a box of hair

I laughed all day over this one.

Eric Gloo Piano Technician

I vote for '33' - not because I like it any beter than the others, but because I like Rolling Rock.

#20 - That's a funny one....